Hi, my people. I just finished my first semester of grad school. (little booty dance). I turned in 55 pages of writing in the past week. I'm rockin' in a way I ain't ever seen myself do. It's, kind of cool. But now, after all that work, I feel crazy not knowing what to do with myself. I feel lonesome for my classes (and classmates!) already. My poetry class would've been tonight, but it's over. I was telling Meg in class yesterday that I was always crying on the last day of school when I was a kid because I was gonna miss my teachers and friends. Yep. I was born to be a student. I don't think I've ever liked anything as much as school in my whole life. Except, of course, for the bodies and minds of the people I love. Nothing can beat that. But OTHER than that, well, it's no question. I'm glad I've realized that I wanna write and teach. That was a smart decision. Is one.
I am also watching another year come to an end in which I have no partner. I don't like this one bit, but I'm STILL not exactly sure what to do about it. I know ya'll think I'm crazy, but dammit, this shit is hard for me! And I'm not just talking about some ass. That's not how I roll. I think Ima do some hoodoo on it. I have been so far away from my spirituality this semester. But I did get a dressed love candle from Miss Cat Yronwode for my birfday so I suppose it's a good time to get all up on that. I try to be patient, and then I wonder if that's the very problem.
I'm heading to Dallas next week for Christmas. Gonna see those baby girls I fuckin adore. One is twelve. Bordering on having a boyfriend. The other is seven. There will be no more Gramma and that is just strange in every way. My sister bought a house. I'll see some high school friends. I hope it rains while I'm there. I miss the rain. THAT'S what I want for Christmas. A big, Texas thunderstorm with a bunch of lightning and thunder and wind and a grey-black sky. Please, oh please.
And I gotta send a shout out to my Boulder peeps. I miss ya'll in that snowy mountain town! Shit, who'm I kidding? I miss all ya'lls asses, all over the world!!! Happy Advent, fuckers. xoxo.
3 comments:
and i miss u, ms. mills! i hug u from afar. grrr.
we miss you too, damnit!
Maybe you should go to a Church. They are crawling with kind, manly men!
Did I tell you I was in Dallas this summer? We drove past the grassy knoll. I had just recently seen Oliver Stone's movie JFK and I remembered what you wrote about your life and the knoll in class. I woke up before dawn, crying, feeling tremendous sadness, specifically for John Kennedy to have his life turned into darkness so abruptly.
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