new moon

so i just finished a tarot reading which told me to slow down, go inward, and be less social. it basically said nothing would work unless and until i do that. and so i am going to try getting up at 6 in the morning, folks. gonna try to meditate and write and drink coffee, alone in the blue/grey mornings, and then to go to bed early and just generally follow the rhythm of autumn (despite the fact of warm weather out here in california). i've been planning my birthday party at which my guests and i will watch "wolfman" and eat caramel popcorn balls. i have covered the house in spiderwebs. i made some soup. i have to say - perhaps u can "hear" it in my "voice" - i feel a little melancholy right now. i'm struggling to not feel bad about myself as i ride this wave i'm on. the tarot cards said i am in need of quiet and alone time and that i am virtually breaking out of my shell (picture of an egg with a tiny person inside) in preparation for the "revolution" that is in store for me. they warned me that i wouldn't feel ready. they spoke of vulnerability and tenderness. and they insisted on darkness and struggle as the condition upon which these changes will take place. it certainly does feel like that's where i am - i just don't want to be, dammit.
hoping ur all safe and warm tonight.
xo:m

because it doesn't rain in cali like it does on the plains...

check out my piece on the kelsey street press blog

http://www.kelseyst.com/news/

Friends on Etsy

folks, i have really talented friends. u know this (i'm sure) because u are probably one of them. well i have two particularly enterprising friends who have begun hawking their wares at etsy, so have a look. i bet you'll find something lovely and u will be supporting art and the people i love. as the holiday buying extravaganza begins, consider bookmarking these two etsy shops and using them liberally.

http://www.merredyth.etsy.com

&

http://www.rebeccacaridad.etsy.com

love and kisses:m

back again

so i am into my last year of my MFA and i am doing a bit of frantic rearranging of my life in order to make room for all that writing i am supposed to be doing/ want to be doing. i am making big cuts in the amount of socializing i do because i am feeling the need to just go deeply inward and into my creative space and really see what this book wants to say. juliana spahr is my thesis director and leslie scalapino is my reader, so i'm set up with some truly fabulous female minds to work with. things are going really well tho, as always, i do believe i have been assigned more work than is humanly possible (if one works, which i do) to complete. i have been doing big sessions on feeling good about myself despite the fact that i never seem to finish all of my homework. that said, i LOOOOOVE my classes! queer poetics w rebekah edwards makes my brain bigger every single week. i have a poetry workshop w juliana spahr and a lot of other talented people. and cynthia scheinberg's theories and strategies of teaching writing sounded boring to me but is actually quite political and thus FASCinating to me. i feel pretty damn certain i am on the right path - i'm gonna be a teacher, folks!

i am tutoring in the writing center at mills which is challenging and terrifying in all sorts of yummy ways. i love helping a student get her thoughts down on paper but the grammar aspect is more daunting than i can relay to u in a single blog. i'm working really hard to not feel stupid all the time; putting the rules of grammar into words is more difficult than i had imagined. my swimming class is a nice contradiction but is challenging in other ways, too. i am noticing just how little body awareness i have cultivated in my life and it is really hard to get my body to do what i tell it to! but when i get frustrated, i just flap around like i did as a kid and do a couple of underwater handstands and i feel much better. i love being in the water. and it has been great for my still-healing ankle, too.

i am doing part-time work with blue shield of california foundation again, on a temp assignment, as well as a touch of nanny work which i am thinking i need to drop due to the low pay and time commitment. it works out to less than $10 per hour when i subtract travel cost and time. i'm thinking that 6 hours a week would be much better spent writing.

oh, and i am reading in the "soulful series" at mills this tuesday evening at 5:15 in the bender room if anyone is able to make it out.

that's about it for now, but i will be making much more frequent use of this blog, i promise, so please do check back often. big love:m

i feel like i don't know how to talk to this blog right now. have been sucked up in school and the poetry blog and writing and wanting. have been writing about the sea. i came out here, after being landlocked my whole life, knowing something would have to happen, wondering what the ocean would do to me. what is happening? water. all of it, everywhere.
that's all for now. no earth, no border, no centered edge. i'm ready.

fucking grammar

damn, i really let this go for a while. ah yes, the blog...how are you?
what to do? when u feel it all? can't type when typing is breaking. clap of cowbell. if i am obtuse, forgive me. i was only going to stay a small while. nonsense for no reason, isn't it? oh so often. soften. this one in that.
try this: make it fast. begin at the top of my syntax, loop fingers like pocket-holes, stay in close contact, full out rebellion. the light that hurts to see. i cannot tell u what i mean. bending the corners to fit a different place where my concerns are apparent. i curl at the edges. fins of transparent red fish. a gill, breathing.
walking in the evening, a similarity is countering. a wall is hardening. mortar and spackle. semi-soft appetite. the star-like light of fireworks. the ripple of reflection and trying to make sense. the failure. the repetition of slight water. a most constant ringing, a welcome lie. to turn in a circle: telling the thing from the inside, out. eye against eye. sucked into water-funnel, funnel-cloud, tornado, maelstrom. after effect, on the avenue, the way the sun shines now.